When Love Comes Late

On the third day of 2018, Dan came into my life. Since the last week in December, we had exchanged emails through Match.com, a dubious, often crazy way to meet those of the opposite sex. We made plans to meet at Café Kindred, but I got Dan’s cell number in case I had to cancel.

You see my furnace stopped working over Christmas when the temperature plummeted. My house was freezing. The heating contractor told me the furnace could not be fixed. I knew that my air conditioner was nearly gone as well, so I bought both furnace and a/c. Unfortunately, the contractors could not install either until after the holidays.

I explained all this to Dan in an email. Did he believe me? I asked him this later once we got to know each other better. He admitted he wasn’t sure if I was telling him the truth. That is the way it is with people you meet through Match.com. You’re never sure if the person is being straight with you. Mistrust runs rampant. Is the person you are emailing who they say they are? Is this person telling you the truth about himself? Does this person look like their photo? I could not allow myself to trust until I verified nor could Dan. Still, we were willing to reach out to a stranger and see what happened.

On a first Match date, it is essential to meet in a public place. Also first Match dates should have a short time limit so either person can bail if things don’t go well. Coffee is best, lunch is second best. Dinner is too much of a time commitment.

Now, after almost six years together, Dan and I have gone over our first meeting many times. How we laugh and tease about it. What if my contractor had not been able to get both my new furnace and air conditioner installed on January 2? Would Dan have been willing to reschedule? So many things could have gone wrong that would have prevented us from meeting.

But our stars aligned. We managed to meet, get coffee, and talk at a small table in the front of the noisy café. We told each other the histories of our hearts. He told me about his wife’s long illness, her subsequent death, his fog of grief, and the light he found in planning a long trip to Florence, Italy, where he studied Italian.

My life had followed a similar path. My husband John was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer in December of 2010. After his diagnosis, I spent my days accompanying him to doctors’ visits, taking him for various treatments, witnessing his steady decline. When his death finally came in November of 2015, the feeling of utter defeat swamped me. Our war was lost. I entered widowhood, numb and shattered. Eventually like Dan, I planned a trip to Paris and Krakow for the summer. I wanted to get on a plane and put an ocean between me and my sorrow.

As we talked about all this, an unusual sensation came to me. I realized: I could fall in love with this man. Not that I did fall at that moment, but I sensed it was a possibility. Stupid me, I kept up the Match game while I went out with Dan, but by Valentine’s Day, I knew I wanted no other. He was the one. Not long after that, he mostly moved in.

Our days took on a lovely pattern, starting with breakfasts together. Over delicious drip coffee, eggs, bacon, and the Washington Post, we read, share articles that interest us, and laugh. The world and its craziness feel far away. We laugh at my spoiled cat Zelda and discuss the backyard wildlife, bunnies, squirrels, deer, foxes, and, our favorites, the birds. We have feeders, one for regular birds, another for hummingbirds, and a birdhouse that sheltered three families of wrens this past summer.

Soon we were planning our first trip across the Atlantic together. We left for Italy in the fall of ’18 and kept traveling year after year, to the UK, France, and Spain. Before the pandemic hit, Dan sold his house, which had been a millstone around his neck, since he was never there.

Now we are here together, our home. Even as we feel our bodies’ decline, we lap at the trough of love and fill our days with each other. We continue to tell each other the history of our hearts. We plan trips, see family, and take long walks. We are avid futbol fans and keep up with our team, Seville FC. We sing the song of our souls for we know how lucky we are to have found what we have this late in life. After all my criticisms of online dating, I am grateful to Match.com for connecting us.